My Son Aayush!!!

My Son!!! Aayush……
Life started, said “Hi”,
Life moved, Said “Don’t Cry”
I moved with life
Grew each day..saying come lets “Live”

When I talk to him..he smiles
When I say him he is cute..he smiles
When I say him good morning..he smiles…
As he cant’s talk….he smiles..

He has different cries for all occasions,
He cries like a bird with beak in front when he is hurt or in pain,
He cries like a lion when about to choke, full of voice and can call whole city by his side,
He cries like a humm……when he wants my attention and
He cries with tears when he is afraid…of high pitched sounds..

By his sounds, cries and smile I can make what is happening when…..
When he will vomit, when an ear pain, leg pain or just.,,needs me for tender care..as he can’t talk..the only way he expresses is cry and smile..
He don’t know me as his mom..he knows me as I am someone..he knows his father is someone..but beyond that he don’t know..who is who and who is what…life is different with a baby like him..but life is experience worth living with a son like him..

He likes ice-cream..but pneumonia is a serious threat,
Choking is companion and my only problem,
So I give him Ice-less-cream..i let the ice melt and give him the cream..
I guess he likes vanilla flavoured…ice-less-cream…as then he smiles..

I talk about smile as it’s the only expression he does..
Smile is the only thing he can do..
But he is generous in sharing it with us..
My tiredness drains away when he smiles..
All pain go away and I too smile..

When I look in his eyes..he gazes in mine..and beyond..
I don’t know what all and till where he sees..
What I know though is HE CAN NOT SEE...
Me, my eyes, my smile..anything..but…
He has lovely eyes…beautiful, big and expressive..

With his -9 spects he can see me moving..
As a shadow, as a object…but ..so what..
I see him and he sees me..beyond my eyes…maybe
In my heart too he can see…..who knows
I talk to him..and he listens..does he understand???
I know not..as Berra test was there to test he can hear..
No test to prove he understands..but I talk..
I recite Ramayana for him, Panchtatra for him..
He listens and knows his father’s whistle..
He care for it and smiles each time..
His father is special to him..mom’s arE THERE 24X7..haha
To his dad he smiles even when crying..as if to say
“don’t worry dad..u r my buddy..but now I cry as momma is exercising..
Special care he takes for his dad’s whistle
And never is it wasted without his reaction..

So we know he can hear..he hears
- Airoplane passing over house
- Train passing near the house
- Bike horn in the parking lot
- A bus horn that makes him cry
- Another baby crying makes him laugh
- Puja bell makes him smile again
- Songs of all sorts makes him happy
- Special ones of Jagjit Singh makes him turn around..

He doesn’t like sitting..do not like standing..
He can’t hold, can‘t sit cant walk though so
It’s a painful thing for him…to do..
But he likes to be in arms and sleep in my rocking roll
He hates to be twisted and turned for exercise and he hates the word exercise too..
Though he dosnt understand it..but may be the sound seems similar
He cries from the start till the end..and he cries whole day till next day..
So I cud take pity, and his father by his side..he might miss his exercise..

He gets the sensation of we moving out..
Without him if we go he doesn’t like
All his smiles are gone and his sleep gone too
He cries and whines till…..
Either we don’t go or take him along too..

He is gem and heart to me
Who says managing a special child is tough and hard?
Special child makes my days special..
5 yrs and more now and each day since he came to me
Not a single day I cried for his troubles
He is a king to me and me his servant
I have to serve him so that he is benefited
He is a treasure to me and I cherish him like one

The only time I cry is when I think of his passing away
May that day never comes soon..
And even when it comes..i shud not live a day beyond,
I pray always..he dies before me as no one can understand him as I do….but I die a day after him as ….he cant pass the dark tunnel after death..
I shall go to him to make him pass it..to take him to heaven and to see his smile even there.
I pray always..he dies before me as no one can understand him as I do….but I die a day after him as….i cant live a second without him being near me…


S.Neha…
07/08/2010